i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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