I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
