I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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