Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
