you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
