Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
