I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Im part way to drunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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