NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
