I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
