I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
