i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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