just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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