Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
