I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
