I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
