grandma shit on top of the toilet
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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