Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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