After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
