Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
