i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
