Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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