The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
