We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
