We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
