How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
