I'm gonna have a badass scar
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
