If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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