He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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