Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
