you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
