i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
