the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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