Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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