you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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