my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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