found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
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YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
