I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
