Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
