hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
only you would photoshop your dick
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
