I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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