he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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