Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
