the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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