my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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