If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
