So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
