I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
