Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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