the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm always down for nudity.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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