Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
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